deathcouture | IC inbox

[ Oh yeah, he definitely knows that tone. He sighs. ]

Because I was wondering if you might be.

[ His tone is soft - not accusatory, just ... this was expected. Regardless, it's pretty clear he's choosing his words carefully. ]

She's... having a hard time right now. Whatever all of this [ he gestures vaguely to their surroundings ] is, it's taking a serious toll on her, so she wants to be alone. For now.

[Taako's eyebrows arch ever higher as Kravitz explains himself, causing a whole lot of other questions to form.

Why would Lup tell Kravitz that? Did he just notice and decide to take care of her out of the goodness of his skeletal heart? Why the hell would he do that? Why would she tell Kravitz that and not him? How close were they? Why didn't he notice them buddying up like that? Was this why Kravitz was nearly always somewhere nearby anytime Taako went toward the sleeping quarters? Was he literally running interference on him?

And sure, he understood that Lup might be having a hard time, but so was Taako. He didn't understand why Kravitz would be shielding her from him when Lup was practically trying to attach herself to his side any other point in time and he hadn't said anything. And sure, maybe Taako hadn't told Kravitz about trying to remember whatever it was that he lost so hard that it was making him sick, but that wasn't his problem to deal with, right?

And maybe that constant headache was starting to make him irritable and annoyed and as much as he liked hanging around Kravitz, he wanted to check on Lup and make sure she was okay. Her 'wanting to be alone' or not, he hadn't seen her out and about for meals or anything and it was starting to get worrisome. Being stopped from doing what he wanted never sat well with Taako and with that low hum headache in the back of his brain recently, he's feeling less than charitable about the inconvenience.]

Oh? And she told you all that, huh? I mean, fair, I guess, but I just want to see if she wants something to eat or whatever. You can't really stop me from going if I want to.

Well, no, I can't stop you. But I can tell you it's not a good idea. And yes, she did tell me all that. She wanted to talk, I listened, and then she needed to be alone.

[ It's so much more than that. And he hates feeling like he's lying by omission to Taako, of all people. But this whole situation is a mess, and frankly, now isn't the time to iron everything out - not with shared dreams and memories, heightened emotions, Taako's inability to remember what he remembered in Lup's dream, and the fact that Lup is dangerously close to going full-blown lich mode. ... Okay, so "mess" is an understatement.

He takes a deep breath. ] Could you... give her more time? At least?

[There's a moment of genuine surprise and appreciation when Kravitz tells him he was Lup's listening ear. He doesn't really have any reason to feel thankful that Kravitz was there for her when Taako wasn't, no reason to be anything but surprised that the two of them were hitting it off so well honestly, and yet after the moment passes, his ears flatten back against his head. Whatever is going on with Lup, Taako has a sinking suspicion it has to do with him. If it's his fault, shouldn't he be the one to fix it? Normally, he'd just let someone else clean up his messes, but this one time, he's trying to be better and apparently no one wants him to do that.

It shouldn't bother him. It shouldn't even surprise him. But here he is, feeling irritation boil up in his chest until his brain can't stop his mouth from spitting something out that he immediately regrets.]

Dunno when you suddenly got so buddy-buddy with her, but sure, whatever, it's not like I know half the shit going on between you and everyone anyway. What's the difference with one more thing I'm apparently the only one not allowed to know?

[The bitterness laced in his words is surprising even to him, and Taako stops dead, staring at Kravitz for a moment. Dread pools in his stomach in the spot all that vitriol had recently vacated, leaving him bewildered and hating himself and hating this entire Emotion™ thing that he's apparently no longer in control over. There's only one logical thing his brain can think to do: he turns on his heel to book it away from there as fast as possible.]

[ Kravitz already feels terrible. He knows Taako is angry, and quite frankly, he doesn't blame him one bit for it. This whole situation is madness and it feels like no matter what happens, Taako can't catch a break. But Kravitz can't just cast some sort of spell and fix everything, no matter how much he might want to right this second. And he's already terrified that it's going to get worse before it gets better...

... and then Taako says that.

The words hit Kravitz like a ton of bricks. Hell, the split second of silence that immediately follows hits even worse - it's that brief span of time where Kravitz knows he should say something. Do something! Anything! If he had any kind of answer, now would be the moment for it. But there's nothing. I wish, more than anything, that I could tell you everything. What good would that even do right now? None.

And when the elf abruptly turns and bolts, Kravitz reaches out toward him - as if he'd even be able to stop Taako from leaving. He knows better. But it doesn't mean he won't try. ]

Taako, wait-

[ But if he's bound and determined to leave, then he'll let him leave, especially since what the hell can Kravitz even do at this point? ]

[He shouldn't stop. He's angry and lashing out and it's not like Kravitz is going to say anything other than "I'm sorry." He's tired of hearing people apologize to him. Saying sorry doesn't change the shit that's happening, doesn't make any of it any better. People can feel regret and still do bad things. Taako's done it. He's learned how not to feel sorry for things he does anymore because whatever he's done, he's done it to survive.

So he shouldn't stop right now, but he does. He's put distance between himself and Kravitz, enough that he's out of arm's reach. He can run if he needs to, but more than running? He just wants answers. Even one would make this whole shitshow situation he's in right now be a little more bearable.]

What.

[His voice is thinner than he expects, pitched flat and waiting for something to break the tension. He doesn't trust himself to say more than that even if he wants to. What do you want? What can you tell me? What are you willing to tell me?]

[ He's surprised that Taako's stopped at all. He takes a step forward, but... that's all. He wants to close the rest of distance between them, but with what's just happened, he feels he doesn't get to do that. Not right now. His arm falls back to his side, and he sighs. He knows he probably looks about as helpless as he feels. ]

... I don't want it to be this way either. If I could, I'd tell you anything. Everything. I I would try, if it would make any difference. [ And then, what Taako doesn't want to hear: ] ... I'm sorry.

[Of course Kravitz doesn't want it to be this way. Who would, right? It's a clusterfuck of mismatched memories, misaligned timelines, and information unable to be shared. It's frustrating and disappointing and hearing Kravitz say all that? Doesn't make it any better. He wants to check on Lup. She'd been distressed and of all the people here in this stupid spaceship hellscape, he actually cares about what happens to her and he hates himself for it. Enemy or not, she's proven time and time again to give a shit about him and, for once, he wants to return the favor.

But so does Kravitz. For whatever reason, between their pseudo-date at the Chug N' Squeeze and Kravitz arriving here, enough time had passed that he'd gotten himself smitten. And while Taako has been fine with it so far? Sometimes it's moments like these when it bothers him. There's a history between him and Lup that he doesn't know and can't, apparently, but then there's history between him and Kravitz now. History enough that he's apologizing about everything and that bothers Taako. Because the last time he saw Kravitz on the moon base, he'd been shy and interested, but this Kravitz is concerned with pleasing him, confident, and sad when he thinks Taako isn't looking.]

You'd tell me anything, huh?

[He turns, hands on his hips, as he looks up to regard Kravitz, his expression cold.]

Because yeah, that'd make a big difference. You, Mags, Lup, you all tiptoe around me like I'm fucking fragile. And sure, sometimes it's nice to be treated like I'm a precious commodity, but that doesn't mean handle me with kid gloves. I mean, fuck, Krav! It's not like I need heart-to-hearts on the reg, but we haven't even talked about what's going on between us. And that? That's the one thing we can talk about.

You're not--...

[ Nah. He cuts himself off, just lets Taako finish, listening instead. Really listening. Because, yeah, he isn't wrong. He has been tiptoeing around him, and it's been awful. And for all that Kravitz has thought - and now said! - that he wants to talk about it all, they never have. And it might not be completely his fault, considering Taako can often be the crown king of not talking about your problems, but... he deserved that. All of it.

He's quiet for a second, weathering Taako's cold gaze and refusing to look away from him. He can't keep the sadness out of his eyes - never been good at that around Taako - but his lips are pressed together in a thin line and he's standing firm. He nods once. ]

You're right. We can. And we really should. [ He sighs, a fraction of the tension leaving him as he continues. ] I really am sorry, Taako - for not trying to bring any of it up, and for my part in causing this mess. But like you said, we can talk about us. And if you're ready to talk about it too, then we can.

[And there it is again. That perpetual sadness, the look that makes Taako's heart seize and want to run away. Whatever he's doing, whatever he's said, it makes Kravitz sad because it's wrong or it's not what he remembers or it causes him guilt. Taako doesn't like admitting that he cares for someone, especially admitting he's falling for someone as quickly as he's let himself fall for Kravitz.

And there he goes apologizing for it all like it's even his fault at all. Gods! It makes Taako want to punch him in the perfect face just so he'd get angry or yell or do something other than be kind and caring. Taako doesn't deserve kind and caring. He's never put any of that out into the world, so why is it coming back at him? That gap between them, the missing time, it makes hi wonder what sort of person he became to make Kravitz be like this with him.

And then it makes him wonder if it's actually him Kravitz sees, and not just some future version of him that doesn't exist yet.

Taako sets his mouth in a line, trying to choke back his thoughts to keep them from spilling out and ends up shrugging apathetically in a wild emotional over correction.]

I'm the one that brought it up, so whatever, sure. But not here.

[He's had enough emotional outbursts in a public hallway to last him the next few centuries. Taako turns and starts stalking to his room, ducking inside and leaving the door open for Kravitz to follow.]

IC inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject